Lenten Writing Project Reboot 2020! Writers' Reflections in the Wilderness of Lent
Words of Faith
Spirit to Spirit Writing Project
The word Lentcomes from an old English word meaning lengthening of days. In Christianity, it refers to the time before Easter, traditionally observed through repentance and learning. It's a season to be intentional about changing and growing. Some people give up items to create space and time for new life and habits to grow. Instead of giving something up, I invite you to try to commit to answering these writing prompts each of the 40 days of Lent. The discipline it takes to set aside time each day to reflect and write about God and your relationship with spirituality is a journey that you will emerge from with a renewed spirit. Every writer has their own special voice to add to this project, whether poetry, prose, essay, thoughts, lists, or through comments, prayer, and encouragement.
How do I participate? Each day, a writing prompt will be posted. A prompt is a question or statement that is meant to inspire your thoughts in whatever genre you feel moved to write. Post your reflections as a comment under each day's prompt (for further instructions, see 'How To Post' on the right side of the page). It is up to you if you write, read, or pray along with us each of the 40 days of Lent or just drop in from time to time when the spirit moves you to participate. Writing regularly is a discipline that many writers struggle with and this is a way to involve that discipline as a Lenten practice. Through writing and leaving encouraging words for others in this project, we become a supportive spiritual writing community
Tuesday, February 16, 2016
#6 Fifteen-Year-Old Faith
Lenten Writing Prompt #6
Write about what your faith was like around the time you were confirmed (or if you were not, it's around 8th - 9th grade). How has it changed?
8th grade - such a difficult year with acne in full break out mode, the beginning of body changes that most girls had already experienced, confusion and angst about fitting in....all of those things determined what my faith was like. My prayers were mostly "Lord, please make this boy like me" or "Lord, if it's your will please make this boy like me". Not much depth there and as I recall not one of those boys I prayed about liked me.
I don't remember there being much growth during that time period - at least growth as I would describe it today. Though as I type these words I remember it was when I sang my first solo at church and my shaking knees were hitting the pulpit in rhythm, something I didn't know was being picked up by the sound system.
A perfect picture of faith back then....a matter of "trying on" ministry to see if it fit for me bumbling through it while more mature Christians encouraged and prodded me along slowly and gently.
Sometimes a Sunday School teacher would pull me aside about how I dressed and one time my aunt "tattled" on me when I used some less than lady like language in the bean field. It was my mom who simply said, "I'm disappointed in you" but didn't lay on a heavy guilt trip.
I'm actually grateful now for where my faith was back then - kinda messy, tentative and not always consistent. It's a latent gift that gives me grace to listen to stories of the young teens now knowing I was once there too
After 12 pages of writing and rewriting, I've decided to keep this simple and go for the full version later to move on to some others.
Flathead Lutheran Bible Camp happened to me one of those Jr. High summers. It took my babysitting wages and allowances and telling my parents, who couldn't understand my "religious" side, that I was going and would pay for it. Since my family went fishing and camping often and spent at least a week at "the cabin" every summer, I already had holy moments with God in nature. However, this experience was about feeling part of a shared faith community. At church, I felt more separate since my own family didn't participate. I think there were about 8 from our church and the same from another Lutheran church on our four and a half bus ride from Great Falls to Flathead Lake getting used to each other, telling stories and singing Luther League standards, "Jacob's Ladder," "Rocka My Soul," "Do, Lord," as well as classics from church, school, and family. Also, 100 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" which we changed to "pop" since we were on a church bus came up whenever there was a long lull and boredom setting in. We sang the first part of "Rock Around the Clock" which had just come out and no one had memorized it all yet. The bus driver probably was inwardly cringing when hearing "One, Two, Three O'Clock" start up again. At home, we didn't run in the same groups, we bonded and were loyal to each other in our new clusters by city, church, sex, and especially cabin mates through competitions and boy-girl battles. At some point during the week, each girl in my cabin had some private epiphany that prompted a private talk with a pastor and that was partially shared in our talks. We were voted as the last cabin to quiet down after lights out. As I reached back into memory, I clearly see and hear our long line on the hillside before meals singing "For the Beauty of the Earth" and other "grace" songs. I think it solidified within me the belief that God is not found in the solitary, the mountain tops, or buildings, but amidst us in our gatherings of two, three or more. For myself being part of a church famiily is necessary, and I'm thankful for those I've been part of for challenging, expanding and supporting me in my ever evolving faith.
Wow. That brings back huge memories to me both as a camper and as a camp Pastor. Many of those "Luther Lugger" songs were my first songs on the banjo- because they are simple to play. Like you, I had lots of fun. I would love to hear the whole story while roasting marsh mellows in the church fireplace where we meet! Doug
My confirmation education never covered Luther’s Catechism, or even much of the Bible (except for a little old testament,) but I did emerge with a comprehensive understanding about the Lutheran Church before I became confirmed.
Over the 3 years of confirmation, I bounced around to 5 different churches. It started when my family left an abusive church when I was in 6th grade. My Dad was the pastor, so when we left, we had to search for a new church home and faith community; one that would hopefully be able to nurture our torn spirits.
There were some churches we attended that I really liked, but I was always put into a separate ‘catch up’ class for confirmation. We would decide to change churches or move before I had the chance to finish ‘catching up’. By my eighth grade year, I was in so much internal chaos over it. My Dad drove me to Confirmation sometimes, but most of the time we would ditch and go out for nachos instead. I used to think that was a bad thing, but now I think that spending time with my Dad and talking – even if not fully able to express our angst - was probably a better choice for us than going to another class to sit off to the side of the group trying to catch up, which by that time, I don’t think was possible. My Dad lost his job, and we had lost our church home, his career, and our faith rumbled as we tried to find our way through this storm.
Rather than being angry at God though, I was actually more angry at the church in general, and all the kids who sat at the “regular” confirmation table, talking about their house that their parents owned in a safe neighborhood, laughing in safety and security with friends they’d known for years.
The one seed that was planted in my spirit, that stayed with me through this time, is that God loves me, and I am special. I may be special at a “Catch up” table, but I was special. I was able to hold on to that concept like a life preserver through this storm, which scattered us quite a bit.
Despite never catching up to the rest, here is what I know; what I learned about the Lutheran Church: • A church is a living entity that is made up of its people. It can change, abuse, or thrive. It is not a warm fuzzy place to make you feel like a “good” person, but a place where Good and Evil duke it out. It’s a place for the work of the spirit through all of us. • Pastors are human beings, and make mistakes too. Sometimes really big ones. Pastors deserve both respect and mercy, rather than idolization and disappointment and anger when you disagree on something. • God still loves me, even if I have to cringe when thinking of all the terrible mistakes I made. God is stronger and loved me through it. • I will never stop questioning everything and seeking truth • In every saint, there is a sinner, and in every lost cause, there is always hope. I ended up confirmed by default and will probably spend the rest of my life in a “catch up” class, so that I can absorb knowledge, ask questions, and seek truth. I had an intense education on church politics and people, and got confirmed with a very “holey” faith, but I strive to fill those holes with the grace of God and the encouragement of the Holy Spirit.
8th grade - such a difficult year with acne in full break out mode, the beginning of body changes that most girls had already experienced, confusion and angst about fitting in....all of those things determined what my faith was like. My prayers were mostly "Lord, please make this boy like me" or "Lord, if it's your will please make this boy like me". Not much depth there and as I recall not one of those boys I prayed about liked me.
ReplyDeleteI don't remember there being much growth during that time period - at least growth as I would describe it today. Though as I type these words I remember it was when I sang my first solo at church and my shaking knees were hitting the pulpit in rhythm, something I didn't know was being picked up by the sound system.
A perfect picture of faith back then....a matter of "trying on" ministry to see if it fit for me bumbling through it while more mature Christians encouraged and prodded me along slowly and gently.
Sometimes a Sunday School teacher would pull me aside about how I dressed and one time my aunt "tattled" on me when I used some less than lady like language in the bean field. It was my mom who simply said, "I'm disappointed in you" but didn't lay on a heavy guilt trip.
I'm actually grateful now for where my faith was back then - kinda messy, tentative and not always consistent. It's a latent gift that gives me grace to listen to stories of the young teens now knowing I was once there too
I love your story! That age is such a complicated, transitional one, and the kids that you work with certainly benefit from your empathy. Thanks!
ReplyDelete"Latent Gift" that resonates with me, thanks!
ReplyDeleteAfter 12 pages of writing and rewriting, I've decided to keep this simple and go for the full version later to move on to some others.
ReplyDeleteFlathead Lutheran Bible Camp happened to me one of those Jr. High summers. It took my babysitting wages and allowances and telling my parents, who couldn't understand my "religious" side, that I was going and would pay for it. Since my family went fishing and camping often and spent at least a week at "the cabin" every summer, I already had holy moments with God in nature.
However, this experience was about feeling part of a shared faith community. At church, I felt more separate since my own family didn't participate.
I think there were about 8 from our church and the same from another Lutheran church on our four and a half bus ride from Great Falls to Flathead Lake getting used to each other, telling stories and singing Luther League standards, "Jacob's Ladder," "Rocka My Soul," "Do, Lord," as well as classics from church, school, and family. Also, 100 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" which we changed to "pop" since we were on a church bus came up whenever there was a long lull and boredom setting in. We sang the first part of "Rock Around the Clock" which had just come out and no one had memorized it all yet. The bus driver probably was inwardly cringing when hearing "One, Two, Three O'Clock" start up again.
At home, we didn't run in the same groups, we bonded and were loyal to each other in our new clusters by city, church, sex, and especially cabin mates through competitions and boy-girl battles.
At some point during the week, each girl in my cabin had some private epiphany that prompted a private talk with a pastor and that was partially shared in our talks. We were voted as the last cabin to quiet down after lights out.
As I reached back into memory, I clearly see and hear our long line on the hillside before meals singing "For the Beauty of the Earth" and other "grace" songs. I think it solidified within me the belief that God is not found in the solitary, the mountain tops, or buildings, but amidst us in our gatherings of two, three or more. For myself being part of a church famiily is necessary, and I'm thankful for those I've been part of for challenging, expanding and supporting me in my ever evolving faith.
Wow. That brings back huge memories to me both as a camper and as a camp Pastor. Many of those "Luther Lugger" songs were my first songs on the banjo- because they are simple to play. Like you, I had lots of fun. I would love to hear the whole story while roasting marsh mellows in the church fireplace where we meet! Doug
ReplyDeleteMy confirmation education never covered Luther’s Catechism, or even much of the Bible (except for a little old testament,) but I did emerge with a comprehensive understanding about the Lutheran Church before I became confirmed.
ReplyDeleteOver the 3 years of confirmation, I bounced around to 5 different churches. It started when my family left an abusive church when I was in 6th grade. My Dad was the pastor, so when we left, we had to search for a new church home and faith community; one that would hopefully be able to nurture our torn spirits.
There were some churches we attended that I really liked, but I was always put into a separate ‘catch up’ class for confirmation. We would decide to change churches or move before I had the chance to finish ‘catching up’. By my eighth grade year, I was in so much internal chaos over it. My Dad drove me to Confirmation sometimes, but most of the time we would ditch and go out for nachos instead. I used to think that was a bad thing, but now I think that spending time with my Dad and talking – even if not fully able to express our angst - was probably a better choice for us than going to another class to sit off to the side of the group trying to catch up, which by that time, I don’t think was possible. My Dad lost his job, and we had lost our church home, his career, and our faith rumbled as we tried to find our way through this storm.
Rather than being angry at God though, I was actually more angry at the church in general, and all the kids who sat at the “regular” confirmation table, talking about their house that their parents owned in a safe neighborhood, laughing in safety and security with friends they’d known for years.
The one seed that was planted in my spirit, that stayed with me through this time, is that God loves me, and I am special. I may be special at a “Catch up” table, but I was special. I was able to hold on to that concept like a life preserver through this storm, which scattered us quite a bit.
Despite never catching up to the rest, here is what I know; what I learned about the Lutheran Church:
• A church is a living entity that is made up of its people. It can change, abuse, or thrive. It is not a warm fuzzy place to make you feel like a “good” person, but a place where Good and Evil duke it out. It’s a place for the work of the spirit through all of us.
• Pastors are human beings, and make mistakes too. Sometimes really big ones. Pastors deserve both respect and mercy, rather than idolization and disappointment and anger when you disagree on something.
• God still loves me, even if I have to cringe when thinking of all the terrible mistakes I made. God is stronger and loved me through it.
• I will never stop questioning everything and seeking truth
• In every saint, there is a sinner, and in every lost cause, there is always hope.
I ended up confirmed by default and will probably spend the rest of my life in a “catch up” class, so that I can absorb knowledge, ask questions, and seek truth. I had an intense education on church politics and people, and got confirmed with a very “holey” faith, but I strive to fill those holes with the grace of God and the encouragement of the Holy Spirit.
I’m here to stay.